I just can’t figure out why… *edit – I just remembered reading about some extreme reactions to the top hat on mental_floss. “people booed, dogs barked, women fainted, and a small boy suffered a broken arm.”
A fuzzy monster – 98% fur, 1% eyes, 1% ??
Nothing new today, sorry. I was out for the better part of the day and now I’m just tired. I found an old sketch, though! Man. This thing’s really old. When I was out of ideas for a halloween costume I went as this character. The tarnished metal armor was fun to make. That was 2006 maybe, …
Was planning on destroying a city or two, but fell asleep.
Hey all, it’s Independence Day! Make America happy; go eat something off a grill and watch something explode. Try not to make it the same something and we’re all good. Oh, and yes, that’s a fairy (of the tooth variety).
The old man sat at his desk scowling at the news in front of him. He growled for his assistant and pointed at the papers.
“You’ve seen the reports?”
“Increased volcanic activity. They say the pit’s opened too. He’s early, isn’t he?”
“By a decade or more. The demon grows bored. The span of peaceful years shortens each time.”
“If we had a few more years, we might have been able to fight back.”
“You’re sure? If we were to fight and fail, the world would burn.”
“We don’t have a choice. Perhaps next century we will have the power to free ourselves from him. For now, bring in the lovers.”
The assistant nodded solemnly and went to the door. Outside, several couples sat waiting. The interviews were quick. They didn’t have much time. The fifth pair was the most promising. They stayed close to one another as they walked into the dark room. The old man greeted them and requested that they sit. As they did, he could see the girl was visibly shaking. The old man folded his hands together and leaned forward.
“You’re very brave – both of you.”
The boy grinned nervously, clutching his lover’s hand. She just looked at him with hopeful eyes.
“You understand the task?”
“A couple must enter the pit and test their love against the demon’s hatred. That’s what the flyer said.”
“Exactly. Hundreds of couples before you have saved the world with the power of love.”
“And… if we pass the test… we’ll be safe.”
“The whole world will be safe, for a while, at least. Do you love one another?”
The two answered in stereo.
“And you want to save life on Earth? You would do anything to save us?”
There was a short pause while the two locked in a sentimental gaze. Another simultaneous answer.
If anyone could save them, it would be these two. There was a shaking of hands and the couple was sent on their way. As the pair left, the old man turned to his assistant.
“I had hoped I wouldn’t live so long that I would bear this burden.”
The young couple was flown to the San Andreas fault line. A cave became visible below them as the helicopter descended. There were no trees for miles around the entrance to the pit. It had all been burned away by bursts of lava. The couple was left to stare blankly at their surroundings as the aircraft shooed them off and retreated to the skies. The boy turned to the mouth of the cave. It was black and smooth, save for a handful of formations which looked like jagged teeth. The girl grabbed his hand tight and started walking into the dark.
They walked down the shadowy path for what felt like hours. Their flashlight flickered and finally faded completely. The two lovers groped their way along the slick walls. A noise ahead of them rumbled like rolling thunder. A tiny glimmer of orange was reflected off the walls from somewhere below and ahead of them.
Once their eyes adjusted to the dim light, their pace quickened. They must be close now. By the end, they were running, fueled by the thought of passing the trial of love and returning home safely. The two exploded into a large chamber filled with pools of magma. The roaring noise was loudest here, a combination of fire and creature. A large beast full of teeth and horns and claws lounged at the far end of the room. He dipped a hand into a nearby pool and scooped up a sip of molten rock.
“Humans. Welcome. Come closer.”
The couple nervously took a step forward. The demon laughed and stomped his giant foot on the ground so it tilted the earth.
They tumbled to the ground and slid down until they were within a few inches from the monster’s massive body.
“We… we’ve come to prove ourselves – our love – so the world won’t burn.”
“Is that so? Well, step up to the wall there.”
He pointed at a stone wall to his right. It had a large hole in the center. The creature interrogated them from behind as they stared at the mysterious wall.
“So… humans. You love one another?”
They locked arms around each other.
“With all our hearts.”
“I believe you.”
“Then… we’ve won? The world is safe?”
“Do you care about the world?”
“Do you love it?”
The couple turned to the beast, horrified. He grinned and languidly rested his head on his hand.
“You see, you can only save one of the things you love. You can either save yourselves or the rest of the world. Which do you choose?”
The two lovers looked at each other once more, still wrapped in a tight embrace. What choice was this? It would be impossible to live if the world died. They would soon starve or die by some volcano the demon created. But to save life on Earth meant losing their own lives. They shared a parting kiss and faced the wall defiantly. If passing the test of love meant death, then they would succeed together. A fanged smirk grew on the monster’s face.
“So be it. You’ve saved the world.”
It took only a second for white-hot flames to erupt from the hole in the wall. The lovers were reduced to ash and lazily swept up by the demon. He sprinkled a small amount of ash onto a handful of magma and lifted it up to enjoy the aroma this new spice added. The chemicals that caused the feeling of love made for an intoxicating flavor. He let the glowing liquid flow down his throat and smiled. After his meal, the beast collected the rest of the ash and placed it carefully on a stone shelf above the magma pool. Perhaps when his spice ran out next time, he would demand at least three lovers be sent.
A short while back, I saw this comic. It suggested viewing “the economy” as an angry giant. Well, that just ruined me entirely (in the best way possible, of course). I replaced the giant with a monster who has a fondness for candy, but the idea remains. I was reading the news and found a …
Beware the dreaded were-sheep. By the light of the moon he’ll tear your garden to shreds.
Bert accidentally said “overt your eyes” instead of “avert your eyes” the other night. I immediately glared as obviously and in his face as possible.